Life's a Bitch

Thankful

2011-12-07T21:08:00.000-08:00

I guess prayers do make miracles.
I've been in a bind for days; make that a week. My Dad has been hospitalized due to a heart attack brought about by his diabetes complications.
I prayed.
Other people prayed.
All is well now.
Thank God.

Back To You

2011-11-27T19:04:00.000-08:00

I always end up having the same thoughts every now and then. Minsan gusto mo kumawala sa isang tao kahit alam kong mahirap na eh masakit pa. I never outgrew my fear of ending up hurting more than I can handle. Siguro pinanganak lang talaga akong matigas ang ulo.

Just got back from Bora last night and it was fun, well at least most of the time it was. Di naman tlaga nawawala ang dull moments plus being the drama-queen that I am, syempre sumpong pa rin pagka-tampuhin ko. Well, I enjoyed spending time with the most special person in my life but it got me thinking as well. This was the longest stretch of time na we've been together. 4 days and 3 nights. We got to speak a lot and I appreciated it. So much so that I can still recall some of the words he said. "Maswerte ka nga na syo ako". I don't know how I should feel about this line. I've been with a lot of partners in my life, and hell do i know that even though I may not be much of a person, may mga ibang tao pa rin na willing to be with me. I don't know If I should get offended or not. Naisip ko sa totoo lang ( said this to him as well, mas subtle lng), maswerte rin naman sya sa akin siguro kahit paano. Siguro sa dami ng mga tao na pwede namin maging partner, may dahilan lang talaga why we met and why were still together. This is the longest I've been with someone.

There's a strong indication that another storm is bound to happen between the two of us. May nalaman na naman kasi ako. Sana naman wag na. Kasi baka this time, when my decision is made; it's gonna be final. I might end up bruised and hurting pero I have always been a survivor. Duwag ako oo, pero it doesn't stop me from being less of a person. The person that I am knows when to stop and when to let go. Hoping for the best pa rin...

Kakapagod

2011-11-16T06:16:00.000-08:00

Kakapagod pala talaga ang maghintay, specially when you get to realize na wala ka naman pala talagang inaasahan.

Kakapagod magbuhos ng attensyon, specially when you don't get much attention back.

Kakapagod mag-alala, specially when the person you're worrying for couldn't care less.

Kakapagod mag-effort, specially kung di naman napapansin lahat ng binuhos mo.

Kakapagod ding mag-adjust; specially when it seems like your relationship is on a one way street.

Kakapagod din lalo ang mabuhay, specially when there's no one worth living your life for.

Lambing

2011-11-14T12:03:00.000-08:00

Masama na ba humingi kahit konti lang nyan?

Alak Pa!

2011-11-13T21:18:00.000-08:00

I don't know what's with people and alcohol. During the times that I partied a lot umiinom talaga ako. Alcohol has always and will always be part of partying. But I was never a drunkard or even alcoholic man lang. To be honest, there were probably a couple of times that I drank a little too much and would be left clueless of what happened the previous night. Iilang beses lang yun, swear! Oftentimes, madaya ako uminom. Laging tumatakas sa inuman. Kung di man eh, nagpapalusot sa tagay. "Best in hilu-hiluhan at lasing-lasingan" din ang peg ko madalas.

Last night I got a text message from someone close to me asking for help. Syempre being the drama queen that I am, taranta ako. He had me scurrying to their place only to find him drunk as hell. Problemado si friendship. Couldn't even look at me straight. Couldn't even talk straight. Hirap mag-asikaso ng taong lasing, mahirap mag-payo sa lasing. Lasing na naghahanap pa ng alak. To quote myself ,"Kung maso-solve ng alak yang problema mo, ibibili pa kita ng 3 case ng redhorse". Kaso the thing is, hinde naman mangyayari yun eh. Magkaubusan man ng laman ng wallet, di mauubos ang problema. Kahit nga mabawasan hinde nun kaya gawin eh.

Ewan ko ba why (some) people feel as if alcohol can give them answers to their life-long questions, provide them peace of mind and give solutions to their humongous problems. All it give's you is a terrible hangover the next day apart from the bad decisions and tons of humiliating acts you've committed while you were a dimwit under the influence of alcohol. I rest my case.

Papansin

2011-11-13T02:34:00.001-08:00

Minsan talaga sobrang sumpong ng pagka-KSP ko. I really don't know why pero minsan desperado ako na mapansin.No, I am not the type na trip lagi ang limelight. Simpleng pansin lang; like a "Hi", a text message or smiley sa chat okay na ako. Mababaw lang naman ako eh. I crave the feeling of being wanted.

To my close friends, naramdaman na nila yun for sure, lakas ko magtampo eh. I may not always say it to their faces; pero one way or the other, I get my message across. To the special person in my life now, alam na alam nya lalo yan. Oftentimes, the reaction I'd get would be "Haiszt, nag-drama na naman" or "Yan ka na naman eh".

This is in no-way a means of justifying my being a drama queen of sorts pero eto talaga ako eh. Deal with it.

Change...

2011-11-12T18:06:00.000-08:00

This is in no-way a serious post. I feel as if my past entries were almost always too heavy. Alam ko this blog doesn't have followers. Aside from me, almost a handful lang ang may alam about this blog. This is a personal blog and will always be one still, I've decided to make some changes since 4 years din naman akong di nagsulat and I too have changed.

Lighter views. I'd still me the same rambling, bitchy me pero I'll try to post the lighter side to my personality. Hey, I'm a funny person too.
Randominity. In line with my lighter side would be topics from food, great finds, to my travel plans.
Pointless posts. Senseless reads are what you'd get to read dito minsan. Musings.
A different me. Basta iba na ako. Yata. Sana.

Free to be Me

2011-11-12T17:56:00.001-08:00

Just as I am back from my 4-year blogging hiatus, so is my freedom. Nope, di po ako nakulong, rehabbed, exiled or whatsoever. I just feel free to finally be myself again as I have been wanting to get back to blogging but never had the writer's itch back. Finally it did.

4-Year Hiatus

2011-11-12T17:52:00.000-08:00

I'm finally back. Hopefully for good.

Back from Hiatus

2007-11-22T21:51:00.000-08:00

Just like the title, I just wanna shout out "I'm back from hiatus!".

It's been eons since my last post. Didn't event think I'd ever go back to blogging. A friend of mine here in our office recently came up with one of her own and this got me thinking of reviving mine. 'Been thinking of how I'd spend my idle time here in the office, and what better way is there apart from blogging?

Better wait for my next few posts...I've lots of stories to tell. Hope it's worth your wait...

a myriad of emotions

2007-04-10T17:20:00.000-07:00

Got a weird mixed set of emotions and feelings within me. I'm so confused with the way I'm supposed to feel right now. My so-called "special someone" just reached a milestone in his life. Got a text message expressing gratitude -- that's all I got. Should I be happy that atleast that person exerted effort to thank me? If your answer is yes, then I have no right no complain. I wanted so much to spend atleast a few minutes of that day with that person. I wanted to show how proud I was.

Naah! I'm just a tiny speck of dust in that person's vast universe. The least thing that I want to happen is to be blown away. I would just have to content myself into waiting again for the time that that person would want to spend a few minutes with me. I am so hurting inside...PROBLEM is I don't know if I have the right to be hurt.

sexy, naughty, bitchy who?

2007-04-02T14:55:00.000-07:00

Went to my highschool batch's reunion party. Can't really help but wonder on whatever happenned to some. The once gorgeous turned out to be such a monstrosity, while to some relief some managed to bloom with age. It's been a good 10 years since we graduated from highschool. There were some that I missed and a lot of whom I totally missed out on, I mean I didn't even know such a person existed...

Anyway,what's with Filipinos and weight issues? Why does it always have to be the first thing they comment on? Puro na lng " tumaba ka!" or "taba mo ngayon ah!" were all I heard. Yes, I did gain weight but I am no obese monster!!!

Decided to go bar-hopping in Malate after the reunion. I haven't gone bar-hopping for ages (ages= a few months), a lot has changed. I felt old for a minute but then again, the phoenix has risen one more time. I realized that I can still be part of the hip crowd. Just like before, there were still people taking double-glances and even swooning over me...hehehe!

I tried to enjoy and actually did enjoy that night out. Tried to trample on deep dark thoughts on an unhappy lovelife. Bwahahaha! I can be such a sentimental fool!
My lovelife has always been a whirlpool of people and emotions. Now is not exactly a walk in the park. I don't know what's with me and intimacy. One day I'd be crying out to the whole-wide world to get one the next day I'd be shoving that person away. Hey, give me a break, everybody's afraid of getting hurt.

birthday mo?

2007-03-29T16:16:00.000-07:00

My supervisor is celebrating his birthday today.

Our team, my office friends rather (almost no one else in the team volunteered to help); thought of giving him a present. Of course the team has no choice but to share in the expenses. Kami na nga napagod, kami pa rin lang ba ang gagastos? We are not that stupid my dear. In the past few days, the boys in the office have been playing basketball (including my Sup) and I overheard him say that he's planning to buy a basketball that's why we decided on getting him one. I never knew those rubber thingies can be so expensive!

As for me, I never really celebrated my birthdays. Just started celebrating for the sake of my friends. College na ko when i started celebrating it. My family was never really into birthday parties. Gastos! (sigh)

of broken promises and denials

2007-03-27T17:14:00.000-07:00

How can I be so stupid to get myself to believing that one person with a whole lot of history in breaking promises can change in an instant?! I really don't know why I am so gullible. I easily believe that a sinner can turn into a saint the same way as Clark Kent turns into Superman.
I went out last night (as always!) and agreed to meet up with this liar(bitter!)who stood me up in the past for the nth time. Yeah we did see each other but we never got to talk. TALK. The primary reason why I agreed to see that liar again even though I had serious doubts. That person had me go to our common friend's house supposedly to talk with me. We were supposed to talk about us getting together. How the fuck does that liar think we can talk if there were dozens of people in the same room as we were!!! Obviously that person thinks that I can easily fall prey to the ploy. I will not allow myself to get bewildered and drunk in a house party and let that liar stand victorious with a ploy to get us together. I am not an easy prey!

but then again, im not such an angel myself...

Everyone must have felt this way at least once in their lives. Getting caught red-handed (well, almost!). Someone reading through the messages in your cellphone and seeing some private messages you forgot to delete. Nothing kinky though, just some kinda flirty messages. The best way to go about it, DENIAL.

VISUAL DNA

2007-03-25T19:17:00.000-07:00

Found a site that let's you create your Visual DNA. Just found it quite interesting...

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

TGIP (Thank God It's Payday) or atleast I wish!

2007-03-22T16:07:00.000-07:00

Added a little music to live liven up the mood a bit...

Thank goodness it's payday, I seem to have been ransacked these past few days. Ran out of money. Tightened my belt way too tight for comfort.

Just one question: When do i get to have a decent lovelife?

What seems to be the matter with me? Why do i get involved in people who are either way too old for me or the exact opposite (almost always); youngsters!!!

I almost felt a sigh of relief last week. Well, almost. I was out to meet up with someone almost my age for a change. I don't really go for textmates but since this person and I have a common friend, we decided to go for a meet-up. We met at Starbucks Greenbelt 3 and went for coffee at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf (weird noh?!). Yeah, we had a nice conversation; even figuring out that we knew a lot of other people in common. Problem? utterly not my type. Need I say more?

Well, I do have a partner already. I know this sounds cheesy, but I'm still out to seek for "THE ONE" (iced tea ito!). I've been with my partner for more than a year already but I'm still desperate (just nearly though) to find someone really meant for me. Don't be a judgemental fool and tell me that I should get contented! I'm just not feeling the same way towards my partner the way I did before. Just not the same old person I loved. I tried being nice, being demanding, being vocal; being everything!. Been there, done that! To no avail. Done deal. Now, would you dare point fingers at me? I never aspired for a fairy tale, but good heavens give me one decent partner please!

Have a wonderful weekend guys!!

Supermodel

2007-03-20T22:23:00.000-07:00

I didn't know how to embed a video to my blog, sabi ko nga di ako techie. Naisip ko lang magpaturo, didn't have any video on mind.Trip ko lang matuto for future posts so I had to seek help from a friend. Anyway, quite glad I was able to do it. This video just came across my mind because it's so darn funny, entertaining and makes everyone wanna strut their stuff! HAHAHAHA!

This is so infectious!!! Old yet infectious...

First post ko itoh!!!

2007-03-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

Guys! Congratulate me!!!

This is my first ever Blog entry. Been wanting to create one since I started blog-hopping. Mind you guys, i'm no techie so don't expect much. Not naman that I don't know anything but i was never really much into computers before.

I live a rather complicated lifestyle, adding more to my fears of creating my own blog. Di na nga ako techie takot pa ko mabulgar mga scandal ng buhay ko. I have always been wary of other people knowing much about my personal life. I'm very much a talker though people have always viewed me as a good listener. I practically grew up without anyone to vent my feelings and emotions so I hope this would be emotionally cathartic in someway.

Since I'll do all of the talking, rather posting in this blog I hope you guys won't get bored in my WALANG KABUHAY-BUHAY NA BUHAY.