Thankful

I guess prayers do make miracles.
I've been in a bind for days; make that a week. My Dad has been hospitalized due to a heart attack brought about by his diabetes complications.
I prayed.
Other people prayed.
All is well now.
Thank God.

Back To You

I always end up having the same thoughts every now and then. Minsan gusto mo kumawala sa isang tao kahit alam kong mahirap na eh masakit pa. I never outgrew my fear of ending up hurting more than I can handle. Siguro pinanganak lang talaga akong matigas ang ulo.

Just got back from Bora last night and it was fun, well at least most of the time it was. Di naman tlaga nawawala ang dull moments plus being the drama-queen that I am, syempre sumpong pa rin pagka-tampuhin ko. Well, I enjoyed spending time with the most special person in my life but it got me thinking as well. This was the longest stretch of time na we've been together. 4 days and 3 nights. We got to speak a lot and I appreciated it. So much  so that I can still recall some of the words he said. "Maswerte ka nga na syo ako". I don't know how I should feel about this line. I've been with a lot of partners in my life, and hell do i know that even though I may not be much of a person, may mga ibang tao pa rin na willing to be with me. I don't know If I should get offended or not. Naisip ko sa totoo lang ( said this to him as well, mas subtle lng), maswerte rin naman sya sa akin siguro kahit paano. Siguro sa dami ng mga tao na pwede namin maging partner, may dahilan lang talaga why we met and why were still together. This is the longest I've been with someone.

There's a strong indication that another storm is bound to happen between the two of us. May nalaman na naman kasi ako. Sana naman wag na. Kasi baka this time, when my decision is made; it's gonna be final. I might end up bruised and hurting pero I have always been a survivor. Duwag ako oo, pero it doesn't stop me from being less of a person. The person that I am knows when to stop and when to let go. Hoping for the best pa rin...

Kakapagod

Kakapagod pala talaga ang maghintay, specially when you get to realize na wala ka naman pala talagang inaasahan.

Kakapagod magbuhos ng attensyon, specially when you don't get much attention back.

Kakapagod mag-alala, specially when the person you're  worrying for couldn't care less.

Kakapagod mag-effort, specially kung di naman napapansin lahat ng binuhos mo.


Kakapagod ding mag-adjust; specially when it seems like your relationship is on a one way street.

Kakapagod din lalo ang mabuhay, specially when there's no one worth living your life for.

Lambing

Masama na ba humingi kahit konti lang nyan?

Alak Pa!

I don't know what's with people and alcohol. During the times that I partied a lot umiinom talaga ako. Alcohol has always and will always be part of partying. But I was never a drunkard or even alcoholic man lang. To be honest, there were probably a couple of times that I drank a little too much and would be left clueless of what happened the previous night. Iilang beses lang yun, swear! Oftentimes, madaya ako uminom. Laging tumatakas sa inuman. Kung di man eh, nagpapalusot sa tagay. "Best in hilu-hiluhan at lasing-lasingan" din ang peg ko madalas.

Last night I got a text message from someone close to me asking for help. Syempre being the drama queen that I am, taranta ako. He had me scurrying to their place only to find him drunk as hell. Problemado si friendship. Couldn't even look at me straight. Couldn't even talk straight. Hirap mag-asikaso ng taong lasing, mahirap mag-payo sa lasing. Lasing na naghahanap pa ng alak. To quote myself ,"Kung maso-solve ng alak yang problema mo, ibibili pa kita ng 3 case ng redhorse". Kaso the thing is, hinde naman mangyayari yun eh. Magkaubusan man ng laman ng wallet, di mauubos ang problema. Kahit nga mabawasan hinde nun kaya gawin eh.

Ewan ko ba why (some) people feel as if alcohol can give them answers to their life-long questions, provide them peace of mind and give solutions to their humongous problems. All it give's you is a terrible hangover the next day apart from the bad decisions and tons of humiliating acts you've committed while you were a dimwit under the influence of alcohol. I rest my case.

Papansin

Minsan talaga sobrang sumpong ng pagka-KSP ko. I really don't know why pero minsan desperado ako na mapansin.No, I am not the type na trip lagi ang limelight. Simpleng pansin lang; like a "Hi", a text message or smiley sa chat okay na ako. Mababaw lang naman ako eh. I crave the feeling of being wanted.

To my close friends, naramdaman na nila yun for sure, lakas ko magtampo eh. I may not always say it to their faces; pero one way or the other, I get my message across. To the special person in my life now, alam na alam nya lalo yan. Oftentimes, the reaction I'd get would be "Haiszt, nag-drama na naman" or "Yan ka na naman eh".

This is in no-way a means of justifying my being a drama queen of sorts pero eto talaga ako eh. Deal with it.

Change...

This is in no-way a serious post. I feel as if my past entries were almost always too heavy. Alam ko this blog doesn't have followers. Aside from me, almost a handful lang ang may alam about this blog. This is a personal blog and will always be one still, I've decided to make some changes since 4 years din naman akong di nagsulat and I too have changed.

1. Lighter views. I'd still me the same rambling, bitchy me pero I'll try to post the lighter side to my personality. Hey, I'm a funny person too.
2. Randominity. In line with my lighter side would be topics from food, great finds, to my travel plans.
3. Pointless posts. Senseless reads are what you'd get to read dito minsan. Musings.
4. A different me. Basta iba na ako. Yata. Sana.